LIGHT ON SELF-DISCOVERY + WHERE IT ALL STARTS

photo source unknown

photo source unknown

Stop caring what everyone else is doing. Create your own road to self discovery by creating your own version of your road. Don't be afraid to be single (for ever!), don't be afraid to take nights in and conserve energy for your only two days off, and don't be afraid to take a huge ass risk. The universe provides, and as long as you are pursuing something with positivity and good intentions, the universe just won't let you down. Just because you set an expectation and it doesn't happen detail for detail, doesn't mean that the universe shafted you in any way. It might just mean it hasn't shown up yet. 

Up and moving three time zones away and starting my first business almost as soon as my narrow haole foot set down on the Garden Island, I can relate to this nurturing I spoke about between the universe and manifestations. I moved out here with my three dear friends from college, but i still to this day have no idea what actually made me. Most of my friends can barely get me to go to the bar on a holiday weekend, but sure I'll move to Hawaii. I guess I could already feel this fire I have come to find deep inside of me and was being called by my own security.

There came a point in my early 20s where I hit what I think was my first rock bottom......I found myself frail, weathered, unhappy, insecure, far from sober, without a menstrual cycle, misguided and severely mentally imbalanced. I worked my way through this and into my own self discovery by what I mentioned in the first paragraph: I stopped caring about everyone else's priorities and stopped allowing pressure to cement itself in to my body + mind and started reasessing what made me feel good and what made me feel absolutely horrible. The good list included expressing myself in the kitchen, studying raw foodism, developing a consistent yoga practice, getting tons of sleep, looking people in the eye, walking really late at night, calling my mom, and sweating + studying + alchemizing as much as possible. The horrible list included staying up late, gossiping, negative self talk, doing drugs, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, being in loud places, doing things I didnt want to, living in cold weather, and eating straight crap that I could tell came from a factory far far away.  I quickly lost a lot of friends in some degree because i exited my old way of destructive living. My college career actually turned out to be completely different than I had always imagined but I willingly decided to be a baby to a new system.  I didn't  know how to mesh within this new realm though, didn't quite know the language. I started practicing Ashtanga yoga, a huge propeller in my self-discovery, fiver years ago and I can honestly say now that I had no idea what I was doing the first year and a half of practice! I would walk in to the studio every morning with this shame in the back of mind that i didn't know the names of the postures, but I just kept doing it every morning ignorantly....so funny to me now. At the time I was also the vegan who had no idea why she was even vegan. But I did all of these things because it was different than anything I had ever done and it was my own way of finding myself and escaping patterns that had clouded my mind. I cut the bullshit and discovered calories don't matter, its quality that matters.  I almost entirely stopped drinking alcohol and  the depression + hormonal imbalance started to fall away. Without trying to sound too pleased with myself, I wouldn't have it any other way. I truly believe we have to suffer severely to a) hyper-sensitize ourselves to the world we live in so we can sort the real + the fake b) so we can learn how to take care of ourselves and c) so that I knew what it felt like to actually feel important. 

Discovering yourself helps you realize your importance. I also believe its even more critical if you are an already-sensitive person. Because this world will rip you a new one if you don't watch your back. Not because the universe is out to get you, but because it wants you to wake up. 

Six years later down the road I live in the middle of the Pacific ocean and I am manifesting something so powerful it scares me. just giving it a shot, you know? Just typing it gives me chills because I know how powerful manifestation really is. My first business has been the most challenging thing that has happened thus far, and I can't say I was prepared for it as much as I should have been. For one year straight I have said "no" to almost every social event + happy hour + girls trip + camping excursion because I knew the level of work that needed to be done in order for my idea to foster was so big that my duty was my dream. (Looking back on summer of 2012, though, reassured me I got enough party in for the decade. Keri Speer if you are reading this...) I would hear my friends or feel them wonder to themselves if I was going to have "FOMO" or not.....because what 24 year old wants to start a business the second she moves to Hawaii with her three best friends. But I did, and I want to do it every day until the idea is tangible and working. 

Don't be afraid to look back every now and then and assure yourself that if you indeed stopped here, it would be good enough. Sometimes I think that if I stopped here, I would be okay with it.  

REMEMBER TO//

Stick with the people that keep you feeling sparkly
Trust the universe! 
Jack your system up with the most potent substances you can think of
Exercise every day
Cook every day
Don't be afraid of the sun
Don't be afraid to say no
Eat a ton of plants
Drink colloidal silver

 

Xxx